i really should

the long run looks a long way off
when i stare at the starting line
and focus on each footstep
making mountains out of molehills
with minutes under microscopes
and seconds getting scrutinized
instead of being left behind
and i really just remembered
that i've been running longer
than this race i'm now repeating
so i should fix my focus
on the fullness of the facts

holding myself hostage

i've got the patience
of a popcorn kernel trying
to keep quiet in a microwave
but i'm the one with power
to push a button and put
the pressure on (or off).

just as the dog returns...

i write the same thing every day
there's nothing new to ever say
i only continuously re-arrange
simple sentence and familiar phrase
and that last line best portrays
my lack of life and want for ways
to express anything that's not the same
as the poem i plagiarized yesterday.

apathy and me

knowing means nothing
and i've known that now
for quite some time
and still it seems to me
that a lack of actions
will somehow do fine.

wars are always waged

an umbrella doesn't stop the drops
from falling in the first place
like a coat can't keep the cold
from freezing fall into winter white
and shields only stop the swords
that are drawn regardless, endlessly.

haiku #25

what am i doing
dreaming of a me without
the things i'm made of.

deceiving myself to believe in dreams

i'll go nowhere with a knack for this
and quite frankly i've forgotten to care
because it's better to believe in dreams
than to admit defeat in the face of reality

waiting for this patience thing

i'd love to let you in
on every secret inside of me
and all the thoughts i think
and take the time to tell you
how i love alliteration
even when it makes less sense
to speak in songs of openness
and weave my words in ways
that cover clarity with confusion
only so you'll never know
when i'm writing for you
and you're not who you'd expect.

fully dilated

i'm not sure how to start
down a path i have no map for
when i'm lightless and i'm lost
and every subtle whisper seems
to lighten up my loneliness
and promise to provide my hope

on the other hand...

i give my love with too much ease
sometimes i even think possibly
i could marry every woman i meet
as long as she'd put up with me
and i'm not trying to act desperately
i just actually think i believe
love comes too easily for me.

library books

my toes feel the grass
want to feel it grow slow
passing through pores
taking all the time
to climb my legs loosely
never making a mark
besides the backward breathe
leaving life in my lungs
and gaining growth
for breath of its own.

please read this is for myself

i tell myself i open my mouth
to let me out for my own mind's sake
so i can process my progress
or at least learn from daily mistakes i make.
but i don't believe me when i try
to trick myself into entertaining ideal ideas
because i know i'm nothing noble
just a soapbox preacher praying out loud.

haiku #24

i've become annoyed
feelings i've created are
feelings i've destroyed

forgetting what needs only left behind

it's taken me until now to realize
how i feel about the nest i've left
and the caring cries i've left behind
while still taking time to turn an ear
making sure my flight is never too far
from the familiar feel of where i was
but still boasting this newfound freedom
especially on easy days and clear skies
the kind that cloud over the caring cries
leaving constant love i once clung to
in favor of a freedom i felt prepared for
not noticing how i hide my happiness
and only wear my want when i return
accidentally asking for things thanklessly
expecting every care i claimed before
without being weighed down by duty
and forgetting what it must feel like
because my new nest is freshly full
unlike the one i unconsciously emptied
and should have never left to this extent.

sitting beside a math major

multiplying the problems comes more easily
than devising solutions for dilemmas added up
and i'd like to flip the fractions i've found
because the denominators are becoming dominant
taking over from underneath the numbers
that i've been attempting to accumulate.

there not here.

hallelujah, i'm not hell-bound
and i'm not about to burn
and i'm not yet burning out.

hallelujah, i'm still breathing
and i'm still capable of thought
and i'm still technically alive.

hallelujah, i'm a liar on various levels
and i'm a hypocrite to some degree
and i'm forgiven and i can claim i'm free.

hallelujah, you're my old best friend
and you're all i need you're all i need
and you're love is still there for me.

repelling rapidly (without a rope)

apathy is getting pretty pathetic and i might need
an apothecary to concoct a cure for my constant lack
of concern for my condition which is declining fairly quickly
considering the climbing i was recently active in and
the unconscious curve i've taken away from my course
of actions applaudable in exchange for a chain of events
rather reproachable and yet invisible to a vicarious view.

candy for breakfast?

we'll always be little brats
throwing dinner table fits
denying the options offered us
because we just can't believe
that vegetables and fruits
are really any better for our bodies
than pillow-cases full of plunder
pillaged from front porches.

clinging closet thoughts

the buzzing and blinking
of your former favorite toy
has transformed over time
from enjoyable enchantment
to annoying lights and noise
and still stashing it in storage
amidst the other attic items
doesn't seem to sit right
with the younger you still playing
with the play-thing left behind.

cruise control

it only takes a little time
to get going in a groove
but it still seems like so long
once cruise control is set
because almost every highway mile
looks just like all the rest.

haiku #23

well that kind of sucks
it is like a bicycle
i want to forget.

haiku #22

both hands lifted up
absorbing the presence of
only emotion.

fear, myself

i'd be naïve to say
that all i fear is fear itself
because in fact, i fear myself
and only on occasions
am i fear itself.

get out

i need to scream this out of my head
and rip it off of my fucking chest.
i've succumbed to it sucking my blood
a parasite i placed there by mistake
i never dreamed it would drain this much
or that hate could hollow out a heart thought full
this has never been who i ever was
and i swear to my saviour that this is not.

nothing stays the same

i can't keep suppressing the crescendo
building as it beats on my eardrums from inside
the cacophonous clatter that was once thoughts
has become disastrous noise and nothing else
my mind slipped for a second and stayed
repeating accidental rage in the face of rationality.